News Story

Our Spy On The Upper East Side: Flirting In The Workplace

Flirting in the workplace is a God-given right and a heck of a lot less lethal than going all the way with your boss.

I’ve always wondered about those all girly jobs in PR or cosmetic industries where you only work with women and talk mostly about anorexia or the latest under eye concealer. Sure, you can trade gossip on the J. Sisters bikini wax techniques, but what’s the fun in getting dressed up for work if no one’s around to appreciate the gold-flecked body powder you’ve tossed down your cleavage ? A fun and frisky flirt is what every girl needs and don’t fool yourself, you can still get ahead that way.
Besty Perry


I’ve now reached the age where I can call anyone "honey" or "cutie" without fear of sexual harassment, but in truth I’ve flirted throughout my career and it never boomeranged because I was also smart and a master at sizing up political potholes.

During the first summer I worked for Helen Gurley Brown at Cosmopolitan magazine, Bill Clinton was running for president and making the rounds of New York fundraisers one of which was being held on a sweaty August night in my apartment building. Blonde and tan wearing a white t-shirt and red shorts, I stood in the lobby holding Otis, my King Charles spaniel. Clinton and I ended up alone without the ubiquitous security detail but with him petting my dog. And, as I recall, me. His hand started the downstroke on the fur and ended on my t-shirt. HGB was so proud of my escapade; I was her ultimate Cosmo girl, though she would have given me the Nobel Prize had I taken it one step further. It was a flirt all in the name of investigative journalism.

Pretty and smart is still an unbeatable work combination. I know one big city mayor who used to run a high profile company and only wanted pretty girls around his bullpen. The overweight young woman whose bra straps always showed, and who had the unfortunate habit of burping out loud, lasted minutes before being moved quickly to another floor.

I did start out my career in the women’s magazine industry but quickly tired of conversations about hemlines and moved into areas that exposed me to eligible and attentive authors and newsmakers. It was a given in the days when martini lunches unlocked a writer’s block that the afternoons were a total write-off. No one cared if you returned to the office, as long as you got the interview.

Moving into the newspaper world was a different story. The newsroom was full of tough Australian journalists hired by my new boss, Rupert Murdoch. There was a camaraderie there that I hadn’t seen before. (Covering Watergate together can do that.) You conformed to this hugely sexist, hard-drinking bunch of outlaws if you wanted to get ahead. I remember raunchy late night calls qualifying every bit as “sexual harassment,” but the term had yet to be coined. And, truthfully I got some great inside tidbits by playing along as “one of the boys,” but definitely being one of the girls.

In the television business I showed up every weekday to watch the senior producer flirt with the anchor. She fed him great stories and made him look smart all in the name of what she was getting after the credits rolled. Bless that dumb anchor if it got his lovesick producer in at 2 a.m., dressed in St. John’s Knits, while the rest of us arrived with bed head, in basic sweats.

I have flirted through job interviews and intense business meetings and considered it part of the way I did my work. I always remembered HGB’s wise words when she told her disciples, “Being a great lover and a great listener are equally important.” Though I left the lover part at the doorstep I became a great listener. If you remember both Pamela Churchill Harriman and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, they were famous for an ability to rapturously focus on their subject much like a bird dog with its prey in sight .The intensity was an aphrodisiacs and a clue to how they maneuvered men so brilliantly.

Powerful men are readily seduced by the attention and devotion of clever women for whom flirting is an art form and when performed correctly, one that can have a big pay off in the work world. (Come on, just look around you.)

Not unlike a geisha, leave your flip-flops at the door and step into those Jimmy Choos—a sexy gait is worth a little hamstring ache in the long run, don’t you think?

 

Posted By anonymous Aug 17 3:12 AM
FA Steven R Maldonado is a creep. Beware of his tactics.

Posted By anonymous Aug 17 3:01 AM
It's a shame. I'm an International flight attendant for Continental and in a relationship. I fly with alot of crew members that do more than just flirting among each other. I think that's how the word "layover" was invented. I know more than a few of these guys that are married or have live in girlfriends. I feel so disgusted when I see this!!!!

Posted By anonymous Jul 31 1:07 PM
So sad. Check your insecure childish egos at the door. Ever tried to get a project done with a couple that is having a fling/flirt at work. Impossible? And did you know that your coworkers can report your behavior as making them uncomfortable and in a dozen different states it triggers a mandatory investigation?

Posted By CatWard Productions Jul 1 1:36 PM
I totally agree. It may not be right, but its real. I know, I do it too.

Posted By orchidLOVER2000 Jun 30 10:50 AM
Catherine: It was confessional, yet dishonest. Jane pretends to condescend to the sexuality that she in fact fetishizes. She subsumes herself to the myth of... male potency, but then doesn't follow through. But then, how could she behave otherwise? She's just a spoiled suburban white girl. It's just my opinion, and what do I know... but I think it's a callow piece of writing.

Posted By lruettimann Jun 30 2:20 AM
Betsy, I'm not sure why you felt compelled to write this, but it's embarrassing and demeans some of the work you may have accomplished while working under HGB. It's 80s, it's silly, and it's totally wrong. Also, I wouldn't brag about Bill Clinton touching your breasts. Those hands have touched breasts in all 50 states as part of the GOTV initiative during the primary season. I would invest in a bottle of Purell after that kind of encounter. - Laurie http://punkrockHR.com

Posted By kidhasgotsass Jun 28 7:59 AM
As a fat girl in a thin girl's business, I have to say I've never had a problem getting ahead despite lacking the inclination to show off my pretty awesome cleavage or fawn and touch and play coy with the boys - well, one problem, but if I'm going to get kicked out because I'm not cute enough to have around, why the hell would I want to work there anyway? Their loss. I know - because I've been told - that I'm smarter, more competent, more talented, and a better worker than most of my colleagues. And the best part is, I didn't even have to dry hump any legs to weasel the kind words out of anyone's mouth! I invite everyone who follows this advice to continue letting themselves believe they're being valued for their great ideas and excellent work ethic. What a pair of euphemisms if I ever heard one. Yeah, it's possible to be SMART and pretty, emphasis on the SMART. When you start placing the emphasis on the T&A, there's a problem. Also, you're never too old to have honey or cutie considered sexual harassment in a professional setting, sorry.

Posted By clare Jun 26 5:08 PM
Oh, this article bothers me so intensely that I don't even know what to say. Although, perhaps it's just that I can't think straight because Jimmy Choos are cutting off circulation to my feet. Maybe I'd feel better if I let one of my coworkers slap my ass and took a little time to thank God that I'm not overweight.

Posted By flirtthis Jun 26 1:42 PM
Betsy, I'm wondering if this article still applies in today's working world. I've worked in investment finance, and in politics, with plenty of men and women. Women that flirt in the manner that you describe simply aren't taken seriously, and would be ridiculed by both men and women in their offices for dressing up to flirt with a coworker when everyone else was messy casual. Working with majority women is actually my preference, as a 30-something female, because meetings go faster, work gets done, and nobody's ego needs to be stroked. Working with men, it seems like the meeting hijack -- where a guy talks on and on for 10, 20, or 30 minutes about a stupid idea, or pulls an administrative block when someone other than him suggests something -- is a constant. With women ideas are suggested freely, analyzed, and stuff actually gets done. It sounds like your experiences aren't necessarily the norm. I have never talked about bikini waxes or under eye concealer with a coworker. In fact, if a coworker brought that up with me, I would probably question her sanity. Pretty and smart women don't have to act like bimbos to get ahead anymore, luckily. Thanks for helping us understand how it used to be.

Posted By CaseyA Jun 24 9:30 AM
"Pretty and smart is still an unbeatable work combination." That's really nice.. definitley the type of wisdom i would want to pass on to young women. get a life.

Posted By Inigo_Montoya Jun 23 5:19 PM
Seriously ... Jimmy Choos? Why not get a little more cliche.

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FA Steven R Maldonado is a

FA Steven R Maldonado is a creep. Beware of his tactics.

It's a shame. I'm an

It's a shame. I'm an International flight attendant for Continental and in a relationship. I fly with alot of crew members that do more than just flirting among each other. I think that's how the word "layover" was invented. I know more than a few of these guys that are married or have live in girlfriends. I feel so disgusted when I see this!!!!

So sad. Check your

So sad. Check your insecure childish egos at the door. Ever tried to get a project done with a couple that is having a fling/flirt at work. Impossible? And did you know that your coworkers can report your behavior as making them uncomfortable and in a dozen different states it triggers a mandatory investigation?

I totally agree. It may not

I totally agree. It may not be right, but its real. I know, I do it too.

Catherine: It was

Catherine: It was confessional, yet dishonest. Jane pretends to condescend to the sexuality that she in fact fetishizes. She subsumes herself to the myth of... male potency, but then doesn't follow through. But then, how could she behave otherwise? She's just a spoiled suburban white girl. It's just my opinion, and what do I know... but I think it's a callow piece of writing.

Betsy, I'm not sure why you

Betsy,

I'm not sure why you felt compelled to write this, but it's embarrassing and demeans some of the work you may have accomplished while working under HGB.

It's 80s, it's silly, and it's totally wrong. Also, I wouldn't brag about Bill Clinton touching your breasts. Those hands have touched breasts in all 50 states as part of the GOTV initiative during the primary season. I would invest in a bottle of Purell after that kind of encounter.

- Laurie
http://punkrockHR.com

As a fat girl in a thin

As a fat girl in a thin girl's business, I have to say I've never had a problem getting ahead despite lacking the inclination to show off my pretty awesome cleavage or fawn and touch and play coy with the boys - well, one problem, but if I'm going to get kicked out because I'm not cute enough to have around, why the hell would I want to work there anyway? Their loss.

I know - because I've been told - that I'm smarter, more competent, more talented, and a better worker than most of my colleagues. And the best part is, I didn't even have to dry hump any legs to weasel the kind words out of anyone's mouth!

I invite everyone who follows this advice to continue letting themselves believe they're being valued for their great ideas and excellent work ethic. What a pair of euphemisms if I ever heard one.

Yeah, it's possible to be SMART and pretty, emphasis on the SMART. When you start placing the emphasis on the T&A, there's a problem.

Also, you're never too old to have honey or cutie considered sexual harassment in a professional setting, sorry.

Oh, this article bothers me

Oh, this article bothers me so intensely that I don't even know what to say. Although, perhaps it's just that I can't think straight because Jimmy Choos are cutting off circulation to my feet. Maybe I'd feel better if I let one of my coworkers slap my ass and took a little time to thank God that I'm not overweight.

Betsy, I'm wondering if this

Betsy, I'm wondering if this article still applies in today's working world. I've worked in investment finance, and in politics, with plenty of men and women. Women that flirt in the manner that you describe simply aren't taken seriously, and would be ridiculed by both men and women in their offices for dressing up to flirt with a coworker when everyone else was messy casual. Working with majority women is actually my preference, as a 30-something female, because meetings go faster, work gets done, and nobody's ego needs to be stroked. Working with men, it seems like the meeting hijack -- where a guy talks on and on for 10, 20, or 30 minutes about a stupid idea, or pulls an administrative block when someone other than him suggests something -- is a constant. With women ideas are suggested freely, analyzed, and stuff actually gets done. It sounds like your experiences aren't necessarily the norm. I have never talked about bikini waxes or under eye concealer with a coworker. In fact, if a coworker brought that up with me, I would probably question her sanity. Pretty and smart women don't have to act like bimbos to get ahead anymore, luckily. Thanks for helping us understand how it used to be.

"Pretty and smart is still

"Pretty and smart is still an unbeatable work combination." That's really nice.. definitley the type of wisdom i would want to pass on to young women. get a life.

Seriously ... Jimmy Choos?

Seriously ... Jimmy Choos? Why not get a little more cliche.

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